From Yesterday
by BundyShoes
Summary: No one is the same anymore. And Brenda hates it. A take on how Brenda feels postHHE


Life sucked.

It wasn't a question; it is a statement of fact. Life sucked, and who knew it better than anyone?

She did.

Yes, Brenda Carter knew this better than anyone in the world. More than her friends, more than her teachers, more than the random people on the street, more than her niece, more than Doug, and you know what? More than her brother.

They don't like to acknowledge this though.

Oh, they'll acknowledge their own pain, their own sorrows, and their own losses. But they don't even glance in her direction, at her pain.

They never asked her what happened in the trailer.

They were the lucky ones, she thinks. She always thinks now, it's better than talking, but she always thinks this particular thought the most:

They were the lucky ones; they got to see only the aftermath of what had happened. She, on the other hand, has to live with the images every day. When she blinks, she's always reminded of what happened, there's always an image on the inside of her eyelids. Of Lynn, of her mom, of the mutants, of baby Catherine screaming. Each time different, each horrific in its own right.

She hates it. She hates having to keep all this bottled up, never allowed to talk about it with the others, because they've made it an unspoken rule. Don't bring it up, don't acknowledge it, don't deal with it, don't' have to remember.

She fucking hates it.

She misses them. Not just mom, dad, and Lynn, but everyone else that was lost from that stupid vacation. All the innocence that was lost. None of them are the same. Bobby, who used to be a complete dork, to put it lightly, and laugh all the time, and joke around, just acts paranoid now. He's always walking around looking over his shoulder now, always waiting for another mutant to jump out of the shadows. He talks to fill silences now, he has to have them talking, and if she or Doug don't, _he_ has to be.

Doug…she can't even begin to describe what's happened to him. He used to be so…she doesn't even know. But, now, when he'd usually be smiling, he frowns. He scowls, and acts cynical and drawn in. He doesn't trust anyone anymore; he barely even trusts her and Bobby. She has to persuade him gently every single time she has to take care of Catherine in his stead. He doesn't let his baby girl out of sight anymore. Always paranoid that she'll be snatched away from him again. He doesn't ever talk about what had happened to him in the mines or wherever he went. He seems to still be in shock.

And her…she doesn't sleep anymore. Dark circles underline her once flawless skin. She looks like death. She looks nothing like herself, how she used to be.

She remembers how carefree and easygoing she used to be. She remembers the parties and the boys and the drugs and the alcohol and her friends. She can't have that anymore. She tried. Believe her, she tried.

When they had gotten back, she had tried so hard to slip back into normality. She immediately sought out her friends in college, going to the first party on the list.

Nothing went like she planned. Her friends just couldn't understand her, after everything in the deserts; she just couldn't talk with her friends anymore. They just wouldn't have understood. And she hated it.

She had a few drinks of alcohol and a shot of pot. She had those hallucinations everyone talks about. She's had those before, but never to this extent. She thinks she managed to act as calmly as she could in the situation and not cause any suspicion, but she remembers being scared out of her mind. Mutants in the shadows crept up on her, and whenever she turned around she'd see the skinny reptile one, or the big dumb one, watching her, ready to take her again.

A guy had hit on her. It was pretty harmless, and he had stood a good few feet away at the beginning, but he had somehow made his way right next to her. It scared the shit out of her. She was still pretty high, and the alcohol was still thrumming in her veins and all she could think about was _'Omigod the mutants the grabbing let go of me don't touch me someone help they're gonna help me someone please don't let this happen please oh god !'_ And her entire body froze up and she bolted.

For the first time, she ran from a guy, completely afraid, scared, and crying. Before, she would've enjoyed the attention, even reciprocated it. But that night…all because of that damned vacation…she couldn't even be in the presence of the opposite sex. Actually she could be in the presence of anyone.

_Bobby found her that night outside the front door, crying and sobbing and still high and drunk and hallucinating and just scared and tired. He didn't ask what had happened. Neither did Doug the next morning._

She can't look anyone in the eye anymore, she's guarded, she can't talk to her friends, she can't talk with her remaining family, and she can't do anything anymore. And it sucks. It sucks _so__**fucking**__much_!

She does things she would've never done before.

She used to not pray. She used to criticize her mom silently for doing that, for believing in something she couldn't see. And when she thinks about it even now, she still wonders why her mom did that. Look where that got her. Shot in the stomach, left to die slowly and then have her heart eaten out by a cannibalistic mutant…

But still…that's all she can do now. She prays, every single night, for something, anything, to go right. For some semblance of humanity, _sanity_, _**normality**_, so she can get back to herself. So she and Bobby and Doug and Catherine can live like themselves again. She prays for her mom and dad and sister's souls. She prays for all that she can, because right now…she needs _hope_. And that's how she came to understand why her mom did it. She had done it for hope. Praying gave her a piece of mind, faith. And she needs that desperately now.

But absolutely nothing is the same. She's not the same Brenda, Bobby's not the same Bobby, and Doug's not the same Doug. The deserts of New Mexico not only killed Big Bob, Ethel, and Lynn, but all of the family. No one made it out fully intact. They can never take back the horrors they saw.

And Brenda hates it.

* * *

_**Random ficlet. I loved this movie. It was perhaps the best horror story I've ever watched. And the fact that Aaron Stanford starred in it was an awesome deal. xD I really like Brenda too, though. Has anyone ever noticed how out of everyone there, she probably had the most traumatic experience? To get raped (supposedly twice), to watch your older sister get raped and then shot in the head, to watch your mother get shot in the stomach and watch as she slowly died, to find out your father was burned to death…it seems way more traumatic. And yea, I totally agree that Doug went through a lot too, but he only saw the aftermath. He didn't see it actually happen. Brenda will have to remember that for the rest of her life. *shrugs* I dunno, I'm just rambling. **_

_**But I do like this movie, and just to inform you, I like the Doug/Brenda couple. And before any of you throw tomatoes at me, there is evidence of something buried down between them, and you know what? I've seen people who ship Lizard/Brenda and some other weird stuff, so Brug isn't that bad! xP**_

_**This was probably really bad. I just wanted to get an HHE fic out for myself, and kinda ramble (cuz I'm good at that ;D) so…here ya go! Please review if ya like. They always make me smile :)**_


End file.
